last night i got all dressed up formal style, one step down from a suit, and went rollerblading at 3am. i got back at 5am. the automotive pilots looked strangely at me. but it was fun. its fun to make noise on the road while people try to sleep. it gave me time to relax, ponder the universe, liberate a street sign, and camouflage it in some nearby tall grass for later use.
Lately it seems that time has been moving faster than i, and i am back to a 6am bedtime and 6pm wakeup. which means i am going to have to start gettin reaquainted with my beloved sleeping drugs. the last time i took those damn sleeping drugs i remember going into the shower for no reason, and waking up smelling like vinegar. i dont know what happened.
I start at my new uni soon. i dont know what im going to do, i'm not going to know anyone there. but to be perfectly honest, i am sick of being quiet and shy when it comes to meeting new people.
I met this girl in canada, and all i did was talk to her for a little while at a party. now she's coming here with my cousins for a visit. i am in shock.
GREETINGS! Okay now that the pleasantries are out of the way...
I speak now to all my sexually deprived heterosexual male and lesbian blogslaves: its about time for some hardcore porn. Okay, here we go...
i would have made a 'click here if you are under 18' button to send the kiddies back to the last page they were viewing and thereby protect their fragile little minds... but to be honest, i doubt very highly anybody would ever click it. even a 6 year old wouldn't click it.
So here we go, prepare your various genital organs gentlemen and or ladies...
And just in time for Valentines Day too. I think... when's Valentines Day?
GREETINGS blogslaves'o'mine. how goes your living?
i am about to hand in my application to join the legion of McSlaves, but before i do this thing, i have decided make post.
As we all know valentines day is fast bearing down on us, and i for one have already found my valentine. It is a plastic blowfish from McDonalds. It lights up red to show that it loves me. And also it squirts water.
Now don't go over the top people, i dont know if this is 'the one', but i am pretty excited about this. This could be the start of something beautiful. Untill what ever batteries make it light up red run out. Then i will know the horrible truth, and it will all be over. But if a realationship isn't waiting on the batteries of a plastic mass produced blowfush, then what is it? ...i should write hallmark cards.
i can tell right now that if i continue to write, this post is going to degenerate into a hideous blob of mindless nonsense about how i wish i had blue skin. So to save you all from that horrible fate, instead i will end this post now with a picture of a chicken about to be eaten. Adeus
=http://img22.photobucket.com/...
rice in traditional red thai sauce tastes like vomit
Okay, seriously... is there anything that is NOT funny about chickens? and i'll add pidgeons to that question too. Im deadly serious here. think about it.
My grandma says she used to have blue and red and green chickens on her farm, because she would inject food colouring into the eggs.
Here is a picture. It is entitled: "Sneaky
Like all naughty children, little billy was about to be eaten by a sneaky thing.
I just finished watching Yellow Submarine. That is quite possibly, one of the most disturbing movies i have ever seen. Their voices! The Music! The Animation! THE LOVE! It's like being really really drunk and staring at a music visualisation on a big screen TV. I don't know how to describe it, but i think i have been mentally scarred by this. the twitching's gonna start, i know it.
i think... im slowly going... completely mad.
- squee
Frozen Chips and Unnecessary Abuse of a Shaving-Razorblade
Okay here's the thing, i was just about to write a neat little post here, but then i suddenly remembered i left my bowl of chips in the freezer! I had put them in there earlier because they were too hot for my amazing mouth to consume at the time. It is now 2 hours later, and i only just remembered them, i raced to the freezer amid a flurry of curse words, and pulled out my frost covered chips (literally). This is a tragic event my friends/blog-slaves. Chipsare never the same once you re-heat them. But just incase it's different for some reason this time, i have stuck the frozen block of chip mass into the oven, and set it as high as it will go. Hopefully that'll warm them up better than the microwave ever could, and hopefully they will even be edible :? I will let you know how this works out as the post progresses.
... ...... ..um.... nothing to report droogs, but more importantly my chips seem to be sizzling away nicely in the oven. They might even be edible! I can hear them sizzling from all the way in here :) i can smell-- ...OH SHIT!
Okay chips are slightly incinerated, but still good. They smell edible, but now they're too hot. ...again.
Okay i put chips in the freezer, set the alarm on my mobile for 3 minutes, and plugged it in to get around any funky battery nonsense.
..i cant wait for my chips :D Im too distracted by this whole chip operation! i'll write a better blog thing next time. i promise. In the mean time enjoy this lovely work of art completed by a ..uh.. by a mister "Lord Squee the Amazing". The work is Entitled: "Where is it Gone?"
Oh and for those who are interested, and also those that just can't stop reading my enchanting literary excrement... due to extreme 3am boredom, i am now balder than an 11 year old and infinately as itchy. I won't describe my hideous situation any further for fear of scaring off my naturalist minions; and if a side effect, of this decision not to go beyond implications, happens to saves me a level of embarrassment about my fretful situation, then that is purely coincidental. Thankyou and Goodnight. ...MY CHIPS!! :D yesssssssss
UPDATE: Chips taste gooooood, i can't believe im on a role in the kitchen! of all places for your humble ruler-to-be! ........I think i might take on noodles next.
AH! Damn vomit flesh bunnies attacking my smell head, trolley eating garden monkey with your fried eye don't look at the wheelbarrow death comes to any and all blender chickens who cross my yellow road of elephant intestines and toaster pastries i need sleep
...it's 5:06am.
Also i am becoming addicted to my little sister's bubblegum flavoured toothpaste that she left in this house. i am eating it straight from the tube. When i was little and these bubblegum flavoured toothpastes were actually bought for me, i would take them into my room and eat a whole tube in one sitting. that toothpaste makes a child sick. But i have a stonger stomach now.
Here is a thing i made. it took a long time to colour. Cower in awesome terror at its hideous carrot-like eyes.
...excuse me while i go into a coma. (from lack of sleep, not excess consumption of bubblegum toothpaste)
last night i walked for about 3 kilometres, and then climbed up a cliff so i could meet a few friends to watch fireworks. it was good. my feets have been reduced to bloodied nubs. i am curious of the statistics, but it remains my personal belief that Australia Day may actually top St Patrick's Day, as the largest mass migration of a national population into pubs.
On of my friends, discovered that if you cut yourself while pouring the glowing liquid from inside a glowstick on your hand, the cut will glow. And hurt. He was even more worried because he picked up the reject glowstick from off the side of the road next to a bag of rubbish. He was concerned that he would contract the Hepatitis alphabet or something. Time will tell.
These friends i met, i only really knew one of them. the rest i pretty much met that same night. It was one of the most random nights in at least a few months. i swam in the pool of someone i didnt know, stayed in the partially constructed hous of someone else i didnt know, ate the remains of a garlic bread-dip from someone i didnt know, and argued with a large group of people i didnt know about four very controversial topics: 1) Whether or not the pool looked like it was filled with green jelly 2) How it would be possible to fill a pool with green jelly (not pre-made jelly that is) 3) Whether or not i should swim in my red 'tiny-teddy' boxers 4) Whether or not red 'tiny-teddy' boxers are cool 5) Whether or not an elephant could perform self-fellatio with its trunk
For some reason they were all shocked to hear that i had never heard of Balsamic Vinegar. i dont know why that is such a big deal. So when we went out for lunch this afternoon i ordered a bowl of Balsamic Vinegar and ate it with bread for them all to see. I think i really impressed them. They meet me one night, and then the next day they are all staring as i lose my Balsamic-virginity. It was kind of magical how we grew so close in a few short hours. wait.. no not magical, what's that word? ... AWKWARD! yeah thats it. im still not sure whether i know these people or not, or whether we're friends or not, or whether its some sort of unnatural mix of the two. but there's plenty of time for drunken bonding later.
I feel guilty not scanning another picture... but i really cant be bothered. the pile on top my scanner has grown. and evolved into sentient life. im scared to touch it.
pumkin soup may well be the best soup in existance. i think pumkin soup is the reason that everything doesnt smell like garlic. that sentence makes sense to me, but i can understand that it might not make sense to others. it is the result of a long debate i have been having with myself regarding the danger of everything on earth smelling like garlic. i think it would be great.
What really scares me, is the probability that everyone else thinks like i do. i have always enjoyed thinking of everyone that is not me, as mindless zombie like things, pretending to think and have personality and individuality, existing purely for the purpose of keeping me occupied and served. The thought that you all have your own lives, completely independant from me scares me. the thought that there are points when you all are not thinking about me scares me. and the thought that there are people that will never even know me scares me. I have been pondering on how to confront this problem, and i have come to the conclusion that ...hey... my can of coke is moving by itself. damn thats creepy. anyway. i have come to the conclusion that the rest of the world is an illusion, existing only when i am visiting it, the only other humans that exist are the ones that i see. The only other humans that exist exist only so they are there for me to see. and conclusively, you are all some sort of zombie robots pretending to be human. If i am wrong, then please dont take offence. However i dont think it is possible to convince me otherwise, as i will just think you are just trying to make your guise more convincing. im sorry.
Also this girl told me she thought i was hot. But she was a random nightclub girl, and i dont like nightclubs because the gay dancing guys with their glowsticks freak me out, and also the music sucks. But still i was flattered and offered some of my teasingly seductive yet witty and intellectual repartee. it was either that or i blushed, laughed nervously, and stuttered out an escape excuse. i forget which.
And some girls from my highskool saw me 'dancing'. They smiled and waved. I smiled and comitted mental suicide.
Also i find clowns disturbing.
Love from your almighty bloglord and lover of fine pizza bases:
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeello kiddies im back . from outer space.
Over the recent days past i have been enjoying my jetlag. im in the habbit of waking up at 5 or 6am now, its great! before the trip thats when i used to go to bed. this way all the shops and fine eateries are open while im awake, which is a fantastic change for me.
Also my girlfriend broke up with me. finally. It seems she can't wait for a month while im cruzin the globe. But dont get the situation wrong, it's a good thing. I have been wanting out for a while now, but she tends to cut her wrists with a variety of materials ranging from knives to broken glass. i wanted to break up with her, but i didn't want her doing something stupid. So i instituted my innocent plan of getting her so frustrated with me that she did it herself :D hehe this way she's mad at me, and not sad and feeling rejected.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I now own it. On DVD. I bought it in canada, and i thought it was a great idea at the time... i only wish i had a DVD player to play it on. I don't know how that little fact sliped my mind when buying a DVD. But it did, and i know have the RHPS DVD and i cant watch it.
I also got into my new uni. i was jus reading the papers yesturday, at 5am... and i realised that the enrollments were that day at 12 noon! thank god for jetlag, or i would still have been sleepin! usually i dont get up till like 2pm! ...i am fast coming to the conclusion that the whole world revolves around me. well... i had always believed that, but then i started to doubt it when some people tried to convince me to the contrary. But i am now just as convinced as ever! (you may all begin your devoted worship at this point)
No picture this time... my scanner is hidden under a comically large pile of papers and crap that i bought while i was vagabonding the planet.
i have only been home for 2 days, and i havent had time to do anything or see anybody yet, so that's all i can give you. but tune in next week for more of the exciting adventures of your favourite cat-skining tuna eating superhero. batman. .. i mean me. squee.
*cough* ...canada was awesome! everything was soooo very much not expensive. And there were actually people my age that i could talk to so that helped too. And i love snow. i love it. i love walking in it, i love throwing it, i love eating it. grass and sand just don't taste as good. I think one day, i want to live in canada. but i will have to stock up on good Australian liquor first, cos canadian alcohol sucks!
Disneyland was cool too, i have become addiced to Churro's. And yes the most dreaded of occurances imaginable at Disneyworld did... well.. occur. to me. my ride was stuck in 'It's A Small World'. That song! BURNED INTO MY BRAIN!!! AAAAARGH! I think that memory will haunt me for the rest of my days. Oh an i noticed one of the tiny dancing robot children was holding a sign that said "HELP!". I found that fact almost as amusing as counting the ammount of goths in the line for 'It's A Small World'. almost. I counted a good 5 or 6 goths in line. i wasnt sure about the 6th. And i got to meet Beetlejuice. That was the highlight of my stay at Disneyworld. That and the Churro's.
A dolphin tried to eat my hand in SeaWorld. i felt around for a tongue in its mouth but i dont think it had one? i didnt feel one anyway. The dolphin was obsessed with me, it wouldnt leave me alone! all these other people had fish and crap trying to feed it and pat it, it was crowded as hell with dolphin lovers, but for some reason it wouldnt leave me. so i patted it for around 3 minutes and 27 seconds or so, and then left it to the hoard.
I went swiming in the pool at my hotel, and possibly due to the impossiblyt high concentrations of child urine i missed out on a whole day at DisneyWorld, which i spent instead, violently ridding myself of all my stomach contents, and quite likely also a variety of internal organs. I tried to calm myself by watching some american television... but that just made it worse. i never thought i would actually come to appreciate good old Australian television commercials. I am sick to death of the same happy yet racially balanced family advertising a urinary tract infection cream. And i hate that heart-burn add with those horrible people in that purple van. "we're gonna spread the word about heartburn!". They have risen to number two on my list of people i want to hunt down and skin alive. right below Jarred from Subway.
Trinidad is where i am right now. i was born here and i love this country. It's the most beautiful island in the world in my opinion. I have been enjoying the nice, heated, warrrm carribean sea, instead of that crap ocean i get at home that comes straight from Antarctica. The only bad thing i could possibly think of in Trinidad is the absolutely rediculous crime rate. i can't go anywhere by myself because i am in serious danger of being kidnapped. Just driving to the beach the other day i saw someone else trapped in the boot of the car next to us. The boot was tied down, but it was being kicked up from the inside from someone trying to get out. Hopefully it was just a dog or something. But to be perfectly honest i doubt it. So that was creepy. If they could get the crime under control. any sort of control. Then i would like this country a whole lot more.
Recently i have been enjoying the easy and straightforward process that is applying for a different university from overseas. all the fun of faxing forms back and forwards, explaining that i cannot come in for an interview right now because i am on the other side of the planet, and the wrong forms being sent to me; coupled with the incredibly convienient 12 hour time difference, makes for a relaxing and enjoyable pastime to fill up a whole 2 weeks of my holiday. It's not like i would rather be at the beach or something else equally as rediculous.
Oh and i cracked open a coconut all by myself, and feasted on the glorious jelly inside. It took a good hour of pounding it against the same tree that it fell from, and pulling off tiny bits as a time, but i got it in the end! :D i suppose thats kind of like life. you stir and you stir with the fork, but in the end you have to urinate on the dining room floor anyway.
Oh and i have recently had the pleasure of eating Black Pudding. What is black pudding you may or may not ask? well, Black Pudding is pudding made entirely from blood. with a few spices to add flavour. Now, while the consumption of a giant puddingy bloodclot may not SEEM like a good alternative to McDonalds, it really is very nice. very very nice. ...im eating it now. it is deceptively delicious. mmmmmm even better than snow. at least i can put this in a sandwhich without the bread going soggy.
And now that Mr Tenkin reminded me with his comment on the last post, i will ask you a question. i was thinking about it while i tried to sleep during the wee hours of the morning a few days ago. And ponder as i might, i was unable to decide for myself. so here you go: "would having sex with an eight armed woman creep you out, turn you on, or make you think of having sex with an octopus? if you select the octopus one, would that thought turn you on?"
That's all for now. Wow that's a huge post. but i guess a fair bit did happen, what with my travels all over the planet. And to be honest i think i probably have done longer posts dealing almost exclusively with my adventures concerning a jar of minced garlic. so it was probably to be expected.
Oh this is a picture of my couz's pet monkey. ...um.. bye
Yours sincerely,
The Young Master Squee
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but if the battery was dead, how did the octopus manage to eat ALL of his icecream cone?
Goodmorning houseplants. yes, it's wakeup time :).
I feel... so sick. that was 3 drunken days in a row away from home. i loved it. as a matter of fact, each day was with a different group of friends. But last night was the worst. i downed 3/4 of a 1125mL bottle of Jim Beam in under an hour. THAT screwed me up. The best part is that it wasn't even MY beam! some guy bought it for me! :D im not sure why. I wish i could have kept it as a trophy bottle, but i gave the dood the last 1/4 that was left. lol. i dont think he expected me to drink as much as i did ^_^
And then after alll that, i came home today, still partially drunk and completely sick, only to discover that i had to mulch the front and back yard! Now my hands and feet stink of poo from the mulch, and its making me feel sicker.
I also have to pack all my junk for this trip thing. we're leaving tomorrow and i have not yet started! I also have all this music to burn, and no blank CD's.
i have used my amazing psychic powers for evil. I helped andrew to win $78 from his original $25. for some reason, i just knew what was coming up, in the roulette, and i was ALWAYS right! its crazy! :D He rekons he's gonna drag me along next time again, so i can help him to win more! lol. the only reason i helped him that time was cos he was addicted to it, and was just losing money. I refuse to gamble, so i was kinda bored. and he promised we would leave when he made back the money he lost. once i helped him do that, he promised he would leave when he got up to $78. so i helped him to that too. so we finally left at like 4:30am.
oh and the watermelon DID have magical powers, it was constantly coming up on the money wheel! see? even in my drunken madness i made an accurate prediction!
I will try and write a few entries while im away on this holiday thingo. although i might be busy eating crabs. but probably not, cos i dont like crabs. in either case, i will... yeah try and update it every now and again, and read what my global army of worshipful organ containers have to write.
Happy easter superman. love from squeethelordandmasterofal lthattastesliketunaorgarl ic
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eat the squilen! its tenticals go out to you. AND SO DOES THIS POKER! >:(
There's a whale there's a whale there's a whale fish he cried! and the whale was in full viewwwwwww! whale fish whale fish whale fish whale fish whale fish... helllllllooooooo my faithful tiny little 3blogslaves of doom! and welcome to my happy drunkeness :D i TOLD you it was coming and come ity did.
I am tfrully sorry for the sever lacking of updates but i was being of drunken and not of computering. i have not been home for like 2 days. and i have just stopped in home, for a few hours to ... clean myself. and then im off again to the csasino for the4 spending of more of my currency. ITS WATERMELON! argue with me not young carrot i eat cardboard! witness my carboard eating. and ...w hat? no. i bet on watermelon at the cass. i swear the watermelon has magical powers, it will win me more currency :) ... if i get a single grammer complaint i will eat your heady.
iu got the sickest new music! its.. um... odd musdic i looooooooove being listening to the fish music. BRUSH YOUR TEETH!
if the cucumber sandwhiches fly off the turntable, you have set it to the wrong speed. in which case you and your guests will be eating much faster than usual.
im so sick of peanuts in chocolate. i have had like 8 big blockxz of peanut filled chocolate in the last week.
hrmmmmm.... the guys are gonna abbeee here very soon to pick me up, its almost midnight. then were off again...
oh i went in a street parade it was very cool. but there were many of tiny vomit children. one was hopping like a frog. i took photo's. i will provide said photo's to your worswhipfull eyes soon when i get them back. and there was a balloon. it was white.
pigs make the most god awful noise. i was under the SEVERLY FALSE impression they went "oink oink" but we were next to a bus of them at the stop lights and it turns out that they infact make more of a "SCHREEEEAAAAAARRRRCKKKK! " noise. think a hoard of demons from the pits of hell. and they press their gigantic pig testicle sacks against the bars and it squishes everywhere. and they stink to beat hell. i used to want a pet pig before... but no longeR!
i take my leave now i hear car doors! :D
wakey wakey EGGS AND BAKEY
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if i were a hideous fish-man i would wear a big top hat.
Okay, usually i wouldnt share these internet test result thingo's with my tiny blogslaves, because i know how pointless and boring it is to read other people's test scores; however, i found that this one represented me oddly well. so i thought i would chuck it online and force my minions to read it. .... ...READ IT!!!
I really should not be writing here, i went into my last exam and wrote crap that a year 9 would have been embarrassed to own up to. And now i have another one tomorrow. This course is far too boring to be possibly considered mentally healthy.
Why does no one understand the difficulty in trying to study something so boring! my eyes go all funny and i cant read it!
On a lighter note, i intend to get very drunk tomorrow night, and hopefully pass out in a street somewhere. i dont know how it is going to happen, or where it is going to happen, but as soon as these exams are over (tomorrow afternoon) i will be filled with the MIGHTY NEED to be completely paralytic due to my overconsumption of alcohol. i am looking forward to it greatly. by the way kiddies alcohol is bad.
I would have liked to have done an actually interesting blog post, but i have had 2 hours sleep in the last 2 days, (im still awake from yesturday) and it looks like im gonna be doin another all nighter tonight. yay. My brain is just so worn out from all this.... remembering, that i can barely hold a decent conversation. if someone insulted me, i think my usually witty retorts will be replaced with: "....fuck you"
anyway im going to end this literary embodiment of the very definition of procrastination with ..uuuurgh. just some random picture i drew a while ago. see? this post is just bursting with effort!
- squee Hrmm.... all those tablets and coca-cola are making my hands shake... thats disturbing.
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This llama fetus has sickened me! FETCH ME THE BUCKET!!
i am truly sorry my faithful blogslaves but i will be unable to update the mindless concentration of eeeevil self promoting agitprop that is this blog, for a few days due to my exams.
Don't get me wrong, its not that i am actually studying, that would just be sensible seeing as i need to pass these exams in order to transfer to the uni and course i actually want. instead i am procrastinating, eating very slowly, holding staring contests with the wall, and other equally exciting activities. i have come to the conclusion that it is impossible to study for these exams. the course content is just too boring. it is not humanly possible to force your body to site and read it. personally i just fall asleep.
But the guilt is too high when i try and post to this blog, when i know tha i am damning myself to a future of McEmployment. So in the end, i can't study because it is too boring, but i can't update this thing either, because i feel too guilty. so in the end, i think im going to become disturbingly familar with the wall infront of me for the next few days. untill the exams are completed, and i have been successfully unsucessful in my attempt to pass any one of them.
The way i see it, this is a test of faith. I am putting my life on the hopes of devine intervention. im not exactly picky, i mean if during my exam an 8 armed elephant god appears to me and gives me the answers, i'll go with it, really. so any deities out there reading this, i just want you to know that i am religiously open, so dont feel rejected. whoever helps me out here gets my unsurpassed devoted worship! untill these exams are finished anyway. then next exams i might have another faith auction.
im not sure what picture i'm gonna upload for this one... well on the theme of deities and exams, how bout a lil shaman guy. he's kinda fat off all those llama fetus's those shaman's are widely known to eat. The weird thing is they dont make me fat? but then again i've had to cut down on my llama fetus intake recently due to my alergic reaction of uncontrolled vomitting.
what the hell am i typing about. anyway, yeah. shaman. okay farewell for the time being. enjoy my SHAMAN OF DOOM! or Herb as i like to call him. i only put in a piece of him, cos the rest aint finished really, and i dont think i will ever be bothered finishing it :P
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Still alive, the prince hatches a scheme as the children play with their squid
GREETINGS to all you lovely sacks of meat and hair that i will probably never have the pleasure of encountering.
Okay, since i just typed out a really neat, witty, and brilliant introductory post, and then it all just became deleted for no particular reason, i will make Intro Post v2.0 short and bitter.
My name is squee, i am going to be your new bloglord. worship me how you like, i accept offerings ranging from units of currency, to watermelons. as long as i dont have to pay for postage. i used to have a blog on M-Blog, its still there, for a while i think, so if you desperately need to know more about me, then that would be a good place to go.
But seeing as they want money from me, and i am unable to afford a new jar of minced garlic at the moment, i had to abandon them for this larger community of potential blogslaves.
I am currently holding enrollments to become a minion in my army ...OF DOOM! we're gonna take over the world ya know. All you need to do to become a member is read my blog, and worship my awesome self. its not hard really.
Anyway, i now go to eat frozen spaghetti bolognaise, and possibly study. i bid you farewell, for now. ... buahAHAHAHA *cough* ha. ..... ..ha. ...bye.
